Touristy clubs—let's call them “trubs”—are a dime a dozen in the Gaslamp, and the reigning trub queen is Whiskey Girl, which just reopened in a new location. Not sure you're in a trub? Take a look around on a Saturday night. Do the patrons look like they were bussed in from Spring Valley? Has the DJ played “Livin' on a Prayer” more than once? Is there a gaggle of bachelorette parties attended by girls wearing wigs, boas and penis accessories? Congrats—you in da trub.

“The Internet was a wonderful invention. It was a wonderful network which people used to remind other people that they were awful pieces of shit.” It’s a hell of a way to start a novel,...

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