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April 11 2012 01:18 PM
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The ultimate Easter egg
Photo by Kinsee Morlan

The promise of an Adult-Themed Easter Egg Hunt at Déja Vu (2720 Midway Drive, Loma Portal) brought up several vivid images for me, the most obvious of which is absurd, offensive and juvenile. Just because an Easter egg is hidden at a strip joint does not mean the bright little plastic egg-shaped containers are tucked away anywhere inappropriate. Those popular-culture depictions of ping-pong balls miraculously popping out of a woman’s hooha are a damn farce, anyway. There’s just no physiological way. Is there?

I had to find myself an egg, so I grabbed my unsuspecting husband and headed to Déja Vu.

The doorman could tell we were newbies. He kindly walked us through the rules, then ushered us to the bar, which serves only nonalcoholic beverages since Déja Vu features gals fully nude. Typically, there’s a cover and a drink minimum, but since it was 5:30 p.m. on Easter Sunday and my hubby and I looked slightly nervous at best, the doorman waved both requirements and told us to enjoy.

The elusive Easter egg, the doorman had explained, could be obtained only through the purchase of a $10 couch dance. The hubster and I sat somewhat paralyzed for a few dances, but we eventually worked up the nerve to approach one of the ladies and ask her to take us back to where my Easter egg awaited. We followed excitedly but when we got to the couch, she took my $10, quickly pulled back a chair and said nonchalantly in her sweet South Carolina accent, “There’s your egg, honey.” I then watched as my husband pretended to keep it cool throughout the minutes-long private dance.

Inside the egg? A certificate for a free energy drink or bottled water and VIP passes to T&A, the upcoming appearances at Déja Vu and Little Darlings (April 24 through 26) by adult-film stars Teagan Presley and Alexis Texas.

I would have settled for a slightly stale Peep.

Write to kinseem@sdcitybeat.com and editor@sdcitybeat.com.

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