Rules vary on having kids at breweries.
Photo by Rudy Lopez

If asked if bringing kids into breweries is a civil right, I could save us all some time and answer with the very obvious "no," but then I'd miss my chance to call out some seriously entitled bullshit. Which, let's face it, is more than a little fun.

In the most recent fantasy episode of The World Owes Me Something, a hopeful patron of Monkey Paw Pub & Brewery took to Facebook to express his extreme displeasure at being turned away at the door due to having his underage children in tow. Let's analyze his one-star review of the incident:

"We spent a half hour getting here to be told no kids allowed. What a bunch of jerks!"

First off: This clown is obviously a tourist. (A quick check reveals this is true.) I guess everything, including egos, really is bigger in Texas.

Secondly, being told your kids aren't allowed is, I'm sure, a frustrating turn of events for any n00b, but is it really so shocking to be told that minors are prohibited after a certain hour when you visit a pub/brewery? Apparently so.

Finally: "What a bunch of jerks!" Actually, Monkey Paw not only replied with complete civility, they even offered an alternate suggestion to ensure the whole family could still enjoy their time here. They explained their "no minors after 5 p.m." policy and went out of their way to investigate if any of their staff had treated the would-be patrons inappropriately. (Spoiler alert: they didn't.)

Not good enough for Gotta Have The Last Word Dad over here. After bragging about how many "gastropubs" across the nation they've dragged their brood to and been welcomed with open arms, he drops (what he thinks is) The Big One.

"Maybe you don't care about other civil rights?"

OH NO YOU DID NOT invoke "my civil rights have been violated," Mr. Middle-Aged White Guy. You don't have a clue what it feels like to actually have your rights violated. And nice try linking to the Unruh Civil Rights Act. Perhaps if you had read it before attempting to put your dick on the table, you'd know that the language is to protect patrons against things like a Knocked Up situation, where "old, pregnant bitches" are denied entry (regardless of ass-tappability), or to make sure businesses can't deny service to people of color. You know, actual civil rights. It's not to ensure snot-nosed miscreants can infiltrate the world's dive bars without parental culpability.

Maybe it doesn't matter that it was a man who complained. Maybe it doesn't matter that he's white. And clearly, a guy complaining about his kids being denied entry into a drinking establishment isn't front-page news. But if you think the small incidents like this aren't worthy of our indignation—or at least attention—remember that they're the building blocks for bigger issues in the future. It's the everyday occurrences just like these that give people a sense of smug ownership of the world around them and causes such furor when "what they're owed" is taken away. Hopefully, this gives him—and us all—some perspective and an accurate understanding of what civil rights really are.


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