My name is Christopher Nolan. I directed Memento, The Dark Knight and, you know, other films. If you could just eat the cookie I’ve enclosed before reading the rest of this letter. Yes, that’s it. Goodnight.
You’re storming out of Blip Toys’ headquarters in Minnetonka after laying it down that you won’t stocking-stuff a single Squinkie until the board kicks back a cool million to the injured reindeer recovery fund. Suddenly, a red sack is thrown over your head and you’re shoved into the cab of a snow plow. A kidnapper forces you to gulp down extremely potent eggnog. They’ve taken Frosty the Snowman, too, and he whispers that Mrs. Claus is behind it all. You lose consciousness to the patter of your elf bodyguards pelting the windows with candy canes….
You’re at the foot of an iceberg, looking up at a gingerbread fortress. A team of Saint Bernards pulls your sled to the top, while you dodge fruitcakes from dive-bombing reindeer. You sneak in through the chimney and head straight to the cupboard, where you’ve always known Mrs. Claus hides her secret liqueurs. Yes, beneath an art-deco brandy bottle shaped like a knight standing on a film reel, there is a single envelope. You rip it open:
Wake up. You’re back in your workshop.
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