Dec. 29 2010 02:23 PM

This week, Enrique experiences Mexican aunts and more

enriqueexperiencelogo

Nestled at the south end of Chula Vista's Third Avenue, Mr. D's Cocktail Lounge (1322 Third Ave.) is the dive-bar equivalent of Disneyland's Country Bear Jamboree. Equal parts charreada and hoedown, it's the place where spinster Mexican aunts—who rock Christmas vests well into Candlemas Day and have kept the home-perm industry alive— come to bask in the forgiving mood lighting and shake their cola on the parquet dance floor to the sounds of Elvis Crespo and the “goddess of cumbia,” Margarita y su Sonora.

Decorative elements ranging from festive, beer-logo-emblazoned papel picado to a collection of sarcastic stickers (“If I wanted to hear an asshole, I'd fart”) give the home of “Tecate Tuesdays” its unique charm. The best ornament, hands-down, though, is the collection of a half-dozen plastic great horned owls (the kind meant to scare vermin) carefully perched atop the bar's roof.

Here, the good shit isn't kept on the top, but, rather, low to the ground inside a locked cabinet, and the popcorn ceiling is painted high-gloss black for that true gangsta feel.

“I'm not sure if I trust a man who drinks O'Doul's,” bartender Jennifer said as she uncapped my premium non-alcoholic. It'd been a rough weekend, and I was on the wagon. She then showed a photo on her phone to a couple of the aforementioned tías, saying, “This gets me hard every time!” She refused to show me, but it was just as well. Nothing could top the images that ran rampant through my head.

An all-white cover band called Brown Sugar was performing soul standards, and as entertaining as they were, they played second fiddle to a cut-off patron rocking a bevy of San Diego-centric scalp tattoos who first refused to pay for a bottle of water and, then, in a haze, took a beer from a customer sitting bar-side and drenched his maniacal face, repeatedly shouting, “How do you like me now?” Flustered, Jennifer kept mistakenly handing me other patron's change.

“Stay put,” she said, “you might leave here a rich man.”

With the band reaching its caramelized zenith, thanks to its rendition of “Knock on Wood,” Diego Dome made a final cameo by storming into the joint with an empty sports bottle and demanding, in a drunken vato accent, for it to be filled.

Hey, Mr. D's, here's a good New Year's resolution for you: Add another owl to the parliament. Apparently, six just ain't cutting it.

Calendar

  • Visit one of the 70 participating restaurants, bars, coffeehouses and nightclubs in town on this night and 25 to 50 percent of sales will go to local HIV/AIDS services and prevention programs. 
  • Anthony Bernal and Chris Ward, who are vying to replace Todd Gloria on the San Diego City Council, will discuss urban issues, such as parking, homelessness and new developments
  • The new exhibition designed by Dave Ghilarducci is made from hundreds of rolls of packing tape and bound together by layers of plastic shrink-wrap. Visitors can navigate their way through cocoon-like passageways...
  • The renowned Mexican black and white photographer presents an exhibition exploring the principal themes within three groups: "Bestiarium"," Fantastic Women" and "Silent Natures."
  • Presented by Pacific Arts Movement, the sixth annual mini film fest features 14 film programs from 10 countries that includes everything from docs to romantic tearjerkers. See website for full lineup and...
  • The San Diego County Bike Coalition hosts this monthly bike-in happy hour event to get biking residents involved in their communities and discuss bike projects planned for that specific community
  • Debunk some of the stereotypes surrounding cannibalism at this new exhibition that takes a hands-on approach to the subject. Includes video games and interactive activities where patrons will have to decide...
  • So Say We All's monthly storytelling night features stories about those jobs we took because we had to take a job. Featured readers include Allison Gauss, Annmarie Houghtailing, Cecile Estelle, and more
  • Artists from the all-abstracts group show will talk about their work and techniques. Artists include Edwin Nutting, Danielle Nelisse, Leah Pantea, Lenore Simon, and more
See all events on Thursday, Apr 28