Since when do the holidays mean getting eggnogged drunk while looking like Ralphie unwrapping a BB gun? Yes, the onesie pajama parties were everywhere last weekend. Whether it was El-D's Pajama Jammy Jam on Friday (think House Party 2 sans black people) or Guesthouse's “Onesie Party” on Sunday, bedclothes were the thing to be seen in. Me? I wore sweatpants and a ratty old T-shirt that said, “Show me your tits.” Seeing as how apparently it works, I haven't taken it off since.

“The Internet was a wonderful invention. It was a wonderful network which people used to remind other people that they were awful pieces of shit.” It’s a hell of a way to start a novel,...

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