Hallelujah, I've been saved! Thank you, radical fundamentalist Christianity! Finally I see the rightness of lovingly forcing the terminally ill and comatose to live, live, live.
While reading up on some disability-rights advocates' legitimate concerns about physician-assisted suicide, I stumbled upon the completely faith-based claims of far-right religious zealots who argue that nobody in a coma or persistent vegetative state should ever be removed from life support, and some who even go so far as to insist on sustaining life at all costs-and, when I read that, brothers and sisters, I just had to convert.
You know, back when my mother had deteriorated to a Schiavo-like shell of her former self, and her dialysis was withheld according to her wishes, I was still possessed by the demonic secular-humanist notion of “compassion” for those who want to die. If only I had heeded the call of the Lord to advise my family to guide my mother's empty body toward a life of machine-assisted, stultifying nothingness, against her wishes-but it's not too late for the rest of us!
In the wake of last month's U.S. Supreme Court ruling upholding Oregon's “Death with Dignity” law, the California Senate is considering a similar “Aid in Dying” law; the Senate Judiciary Committee is expected to vote on the bill (AB 651) as soon as next month.
Drafted by Democratic lawmakers Lloyd Levine of Van Nuys and Patty Berg of Santa Rosa, the proposed California law contains so-called safeguards to make it “100-percent bulletproof,” according to Berg's spokesperson, Will Shuck. Before the prescription for a lethal dose of meds can be approved, patients would need to be evaluated by two doctors to be sure they qualify and really want to die. Patients would also undergo mandatory psychiatric screening, and doctors would have to give them a written list of options, including hospice care. Anyone who might profit from a terminally ill person's early demise would be kept “at arm's length” from the assisted-suicide process, Shuck says.
But aren't these safeguards just a ruse concocted by liberals in Sacramento who want to add killing sick people to their time-honored pastime of killing babies? At the end of the day, says San Diego Assemblymember Juan Vargas, it's still suicide.
We righteous defenders of life need to go further than Vargas' tough talk and take action to abort this bill: Let's gather up some recently departed assisted-suicide victims, put them in giant jars and carry them down to Sacramento and show those atheist politicians that human lives are at stake. And let's not stop there. God has given us the technology-let's start saving every single precious life!
In hospitals and hospices across America, assisted suicide is rampant. Doctors and families withhold medication and nourishment, unplug life support and, in some cases, provide medication to help give the dying or suffering a boost up to the sweet hereafter. In one study, 50 percent of San Francisco doctors polled admitted to having helped AIDS patients, according to their wishes, check out before disease rendered their lives unbearable.
We must make such practices illegal before they continue! It's time to get tough on anti-life compassion and put every living soul stuck in a coma or persistent vegetative state, or suffering from a terminal or unbearable illness, on life-support.
Imagine a world wherein the miracle of life-sustaining technology became über-ubiquitous: Every single one of us, from the Love's Barbecue busboy to the Afghani poppy farmer, could visit the unthinking, unmoving flesh-husks of our former loved ones in their numbered, electro-mechanical storage chambers, until one day it became time for our own disintegrating bodies to plug into the ever-expanding, endless-life grid. Massive faith-based government grants would pump funds diverted from secular entitlement programs, like public education, into the construction, maintenance and monitoring of sprawling, Mall of America-sized, nuclear-powered, life-support honeycomb structures. What a boost to the economy!
Concerned that the planet's surface would become choked with artificially breathing bodies and spent nuclear fuel rods? Worry not: With leaders like Jerry Falwell predicting imminent rapture, rest assured that all us born-again Christians will vanish well before the hordes of comatose non-Christians on life support have crowded out all the forests and Starbucks; the heathens-in-a-coma-covered planet will be your problem, non-believers, so you figure it out.
Of course, with the righteous gone, you'll no doubt pass some kind of evil euthanasia law like the one facing the California Senate right now and yank all the beautiful babies-er, I mean, life-supported, brain-dead adults-off of the mighty nuclear grid, subject them to some sort of un-Christian burial or cremation ritual, and then build a sinister secular society based on science and reason, which no longer disregards the wishes of terminally ill patients by faithfully fetishizing human life, ad absurdum.
Who would want to live in such a hell? Unplug me from Earth, Jesus, I'm comin' home.
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