Our favorite Lisa Simpson quotes
'Do we have any food that
wasn't brutally slaughtered?'
'Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.'
'Prayer. The last refuge
of a scoundrel.'
'Bart, having never received any words of encouragement myself, I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound. But here goes:
I believe in you.'
'We only get nine, ten years tops when we can giggle in church, and chew with our mouths open, and go days without bathing. We'll never have that freedom again!'
'Relax? I can't relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or.... Only two synonyms? Oh my! I'm losing
my perspicacity! Aaaaa!'
'Dad, as intelligence goes up,
happiness often goes down.
In fact I made a graph....
I make a lot of graphs....'
'Oh no, the dead have
risen and they're
'It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.'
'Science has already proven
the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!'
'I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is.
All I know is he's more
powerful than Mom and
Dad put together.'
The wackiest headlines in 'The Springfield Shopper'
'Parade to distract joyless citizenry'
'Deadbeat dad beat dead'
'Gabbo to have ‘real boy'
Our favorite Bart-at-the-chalkboard gags
'My name is not Dr. Death.'
'I will not send lard
through the mail.'
'Wedgies are unhealthy
for children and other
'I do not have
'The pledge of allegiance does not end with ‘Hail Satan!''
'Next time it could be me
on the scaffolding.'
Test your level of Simpsons fandom
1. What's the name of the
German exchange student at Springfield Elementary?
2. What brand of
cigarettes do the show's
3. What's the secret ingredient
in a 'Flaming Moe' (aka
4. What was Marge's
5. Who did the Stonecutters
make a star?
6. What's the title of Kirk Van Houten's single?
7. What's the name of the Japanese soap with the logo that looks like Homer?
8. What's the name of the
Fox-TV movie about what Homer allegedly did to the babysitter, starring Dennis Franz?
9. And what was the candy Homer was trying to grab?
10. What's the name of the Springfield holiday that involves doing violence to snakes?
Name that character
* Krusty the Clown's trained
monkey sidekick is named
'Louis ‘Mr. Teeny' Toot.'
* Ned Flanders' real
name is 'Nedward.'
* The no-nonsense professional woman who appears regularly in various capacities (network executive, marketing researcher, financial planner, public relations consultant, venture capitalist, advertising executive, etc.) is named 'Lindsay Neagle.'
* Apu's last name is
* Dr. Hibbard's wife,
Bernice, was called
'Sylvia' in early episodes.
* Slack-jawed yokels
Cletus and Brandine's last
name is 'Spuckler.'
* The blue-haired lawyer who
represents Mr. Burns and other big-money clients is called
* The old guy with the
long beard is named
* The surnames of Homer's friends Lenny and Carl are, respectively, 'Leonard' and 'Carlson.'
* The Simpsons' most famous criminal is named
'Bobby ‘Snake' Jailbird.'
* The Simpsons have had five cats named 'Snowball.' The fourth one was also called 'Coltrane.'
Our favorite Simpsons quotes
Homer: 'Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!'
Homer: 'Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.'
Milhouse: 'Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had a goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart?
Why did I have the bowl?'
Homer: 'Here's to alcohol, the cause of-and solution to-all life's problems.'
Homer: 'Marge, it takes
two to lie. One to lie and
one to listen.'
Homer: 'You don't win
friends with salad.'
Comic Book Guy: 'Last night's ‘Itchy & Scratchy' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.'
Comic Book Guy: 'Oh,
loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.'
Ralph: 'My cat's breath smells like cat food.'
Top three Simpsons inventions
half-tobacco hybrid fruit created when Homer fertilizes his haphazard crops with plutonium. (Fun fact: An Oregon man successfully created a tomacco plant, which survived for 18 months,
producing edible fruit.)
Skittlebrau: Homer's blend
of Skittles candy and beer.
You can find the recipe at www.skittlebrau.net
The intra-bovine ice-cream maker: Created by Professor Jonathon 'John' Nerdelbaum Frink Jr. and inserted into his cow, Mootilda. As Frink describes, 'It makes use of all four stomachs, the first rock-salt, then sugar, cream and of course FREON... so cold it BURNS me.'