Have you been following the John McCusker Catholic homosexual burial debacle? What a holy roller coaster ride that has been.
It all began when the family of John McCusker, the recently deceased owner of a couple of gay-friendly nightclubs, arranged to have his funeral service at Immaculata Catholic Church.
At first, the funeral was authorized by Immaculata officials and the license granted. But after a local, anti-gay/anti-porn Christian conservative named James Hartline alerted Bishop Robert Brom to the type of bars McCusker owned, the bishop revoked the license.
Hard to believe a Bishop would actually tell a grieving Catholic family that their application to bury their boy with the other Catholics Has. Been. Revoked! As if there were a sign on the cemetery gate that says, "Sorry, but we cannot accept dead queers here."
As if dead queers were hazardous waste or something. As if they might contaminate the graves of all those thousands of perfect, sinless Catholics.
After the announcement came from the bishop, Leaders of the Gay Community (LGC) called a meeting so they could compose an official response to Bishop Brom's decision.
That meeting has already happened, but I remember when I read about it. The first thing I thought was, "Oh, Christ, I really hope they finally say good riddance to the Catholic Church instead of some whiny, pansy-ass statement begging the church to take them in, to be more inclusive, and would Bishop Brom please, please, please reconsider his position on this funeral thing, and-Jesus' pipes man, when are you people gonna get it?"
He's just not that into you.
Bishop Robert Brom is the leader of his club and he doesn't want you as a member. It's even in the bylaws of their Club Manifesto.
"If a man also lie with mankind as he lieth with a woman... they should surely be put to death."
See what I mean? They're just not that into you.
Anyway, that's what I was thinking until, to my astonishment, the bishop apologized. Yes, he revoked his position on the revocation of the original funeral license. And that was such good news to the gay community that they considered the matter closed. And they never issued that official response they were working on. Which kinda sucks because it turns out Brom's apology was but a barrow-full of bullshit.
As reported by Alex Roth of the Union-Tribune, the desperate voice of Bishop Brom can be heard on the answering machine of aforementioned activist James Hartline as he tries in vain to back peddle out of his mess.
Message 1. "James, please take my call. I have to explain how it's all wrong and how I was done in.... Please call me back immediately."
Message 2. "This is Bishop Brom begging you to call me back. I did not cave in. I stood for our position and I still do, but I need to explain, and I need your help."
God, I love that. He revoked the revoking of his original revocation. And I love all the begging he's doing. What a turd. I keep reading it over and over with glee. Hartline must have loved it, also. He was so outraged about Brom's reversal on the funeral thing, he just handed the tapes over to the reporter.
That brings me to why I'm writing this.
I'm guessing that the Leaders of the Gay Community are wishing they had released that official response to Bishop Brom after all. Brom's apology was clearly a political maneuver to keep them from issuing that response and, oh boy, what a hassle it'll be getting everyone together again to have a meeting about something they just had a meeting about. So I was thinking I might be able to write something official for them.
So, LGC, maybe it's wrong of me to think you would ever allow a straight man to speak for you. I'm sure the Gay Manifesto has some sort of bylaw against that. But in my defense, I do have some gay tendencies. I once had a dream in which a naked man appeared. And I'm all for anonymous sex with strangers in public places. And I have written many articles in which I howled against gay bashing, which at the very least makes me a queer-lover.
So, it is in the spirit of my respect for your trials, O' Grand and Embattled Leaders of the Gay Community, that I'd like you to consider the following as the official position of San Diego queers-and queers all across this great nation-in regards to the words and deeds of Bishop Robert Brom. I hope you like it.
"Dear Bishop Brom: We the gays, lesbians, transgenders and naked-men-dreamers of the land cannot believe what a holy fantastic turd you are. And what a tiny-minded, turd-like view of the Supreme Being you must have if you believe that the most powerful force in the universe just happens to have the exact same petty, undivine bigotries as you have.
Funny how that worked out in your favor.
And while we detest your exclusionary position on homosexuality, we detest your revocations of your positions even more. You obviously believe the church should not embrace homosexuality, but you changed that position to appease the public-which only goes to show that you are nothing more than a big, important wannabe who is more concerned with retaining the illusion of your big importantness than you are concerned with what is righteous or divine-which pretty much sums up our opinion of the Catholic Church in general. Good Riddance, pal. Send the Pope our love.
Sincerely, Queer Nation.
E-mail email@example.com and editor@SD citybeat.com.