By M.S. Cross
Hello, I am the Mount Soledad Cross. I just got the word from my lawyer that a federal judge has ordered the city of San Diego to remove me from city property. If the city does not comply within 90 days, it will be fined $5,000 a day thereafter.
This is an insult. I'm a historical monument, for crying out loud. How dare you tear me down? Mayor Jerry Sanders couldn't have said it any better when he described me as "a multifaceted war memorial that recognizes veterans of all wars and of all faiths."
Besides, what is a crucifix if not a symbol of the greatest sacrifice the Earth has seen? Is there a more appropriate monument to those who sacrificed their lives in war than a symbol of Jesus' sacrifice to absolve the sins for all mankind? Taking it down in the name of some bogus separation of church-and-state issue is just a big spit in the face to the men and women who gave their lives for this country. Need I remind you of the First Amendment? The part that says Congress shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise of religion. And must I also remind you that this is a Christian nation founded on Christian ideals. So what gives?!
By Private Arnold Solomon
Hello, I am Arnold Solomon, a private in the United States Army. I'm dead now. I was 20 years old when my ass got shot off in South Korea on July 16, 1950. I was a member of the 19th Infantry Regiment, 24th Infantry Division. I was posthumously awarded the Purple Heart and a whole lotta other medals. Oh, and, also, I am a Jew.
So let me see if I understand you correctly. You say the Mt. Soledad Cross should stay where it is because it's a historic war monument. You say it's an insult to those who fought and died for this country to remove the symbol of our sacrifice. You say this is a Christian nation.
So what am I? Minced chicken gizzard? I'm a Jew, for Christ's sake. I don't even believe in Christ. What an arrogant piss-ant you must be to think your crucifix honors me. It doesn't honor me; it honors you. How can you not see that? Where'd you take your religious tolerance classes at? K.K.K.U.? My ass got shot off as much as any Christian's ass. And using my tragic heroism as a tear-jerking talking point to advance your agenda is just a real spit in my face and the faces of every Muslim, Buddhist, Shintoist, secularist and Sikh whose asses got shot off as badly as any Christian asses got shot off.
But I must say, as a Jew, I'm especially offended. The crucifix isn't a unifier. It is the thing that separates Christians from Jews. It is the symbol of our differences. Had these Christians placed a statue of the Ten Commandments, or Moses, or any of the other countless people and events that Jews and Christians have in common, it wouldn't have been quite so phlegmy a gob of saliva trailing down our collective cheeks. But, instead, they erected a symbol of the opposite of us and wonder why we won't embrace it. Well, fuck a cross. I'll embrace you when they're dragging you down the hill with trucks and chains. Then we can put up a real war memorial. You know, like a statue of soldiers raising a flag on some war torn Hell-hill, or maybe a great general sitting in his battle chair. Jesus, even a bronze depiction of a sailor cruising hookers in Kwangju would be a more inclusive memorial than that wretched cross.
Rebuttal: Listen here, Dead Boy, it doesn't matter that you are offended. Remember, this is a democracy. You are in the minority. The majority has spoken. Last year, 76 percent of San Diegans voted to keep the cross right where it is. We simply must not let activist judges impose the will of the minority over the majority.
Counter rebuttal: Actually, Ignoramicus, we are not a democracy. We are a federal republic. A democracy is three spoons and a butter knife voting on whether to have soup for dinner. Our system of governing is designed to protect the minority from the majority. If the federal government never interfered with state law, public water fountains would still have "Whites Only" signs on them.
Jesus Christ, aren't Christians such perfect turds. They think theirs is the only religion that matters. They believe the fumes that emanate from their holy bowel activities are of a pleasing chamomile fragrance. And worst of all, they interpret the Constitution as a permit to splatter their religious symbols all across the public square. Yes, M.S., it is true, the First Amendment says that Congress shall make no law prohibiting free exercise of religion. But just before that it says, "Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion"-which means, Dr. Wankentsein, no government-sponsored religion allowed! Which means having a giant crucifix on public property, especially on a hill that overlooks an enormous chunk of the city, is in violation of said Constitution. I just don't know what's so hard to understand about this. You are free to display your religion on your property, on your dime, and-oh, jeez, look at me here, judging you and acting all superior. It's not your fault that you are an inanimate structure made of cement and metal with the comprehension skills of a-well, of a structure made of cement and metal, I guess.
Email Ed[at]edwindecker[dot]com and editor[at]SDcitybeat[dot]com.