There are two kinds of people: those who are nice and those who are naughty. Santa made those lists. He checked them twice. There are no negotiations. For the baddies, I present my own list—checked twice, of course—of fun holiday parties where you are free to be naughty. That is, until the burly, not-so-jolly doorman bounces you out of there for exceeding the naughty limit.
As you may have in our Short List, SantaCon is coming to town. For those of you thinking, That sounds fun. I just wish there were more bikes involved, the Urban Bike and Social Club will host the Bad Santa Holiday Social Ride and Pub Hop on Wednesday, Dec. 12. Meet at Cal Coast Bicycles (3020 Adams Ave. in Normal Heights) at 6:30 p.m. sharp in a ridiculous Christmas costume. The group will ride through uptown and Downtown neighborhoods, hitting bars along the way. Let's hope this doesn't mean a pile-up of Santas on University Avenue.
The lump-of-coal-in-the-stocking-worthy shenanigans continue on Friday, Dec. 14, with Santa's Naughty Variety Show at The Ruby Room (1271 University Ave. in Hillcrest). Hosted by drag queen Ophelia Later, the show includes Pink Boombox burlesque performers shaking their cookies, standup comedy from Kim Thompson and live music from Mimi Zulu and Friends, Tori Rogg, Soul Ablaze and Gabriel Joseph. If you start suffering from naughty-list guilt, you can buy art and other goods from local designers and artists for your loved ones at an onsite Secret Santa Workshop.
Finally, shake the bits that probably put you on the naughty list at El Dorado (1030 Broadway, Downtown). Blancnoire, Damn Juelz, Contemporary Menswear and Adam Salter will provide the music. Make sure to drag your drunken self into the Xmas photo booth—just don't get XXX in there. Someone has to clean that up.