"Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."
That's a fact. Or so says a list-"30 Facts About Chuck Norris"-that's been slamming its way across the web, livening up blogs, websites and e-mail forwards for the past who-knows-how-long. The list has even made its way out of cyber land and into bars and clubs. Who knew Chuck Norris-Walker, Texas Ranger himself-could be used as a tried-and-true pickup line?
That's right-hear me now: The Norris lines work.
Some dude came at me a few months ago with the following "fact" about Norris: "Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter, he grew a beard."
The guy didn't waste any time by telling me his name; he went straight to more Norris "facts."
"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."
"The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain."
It became more of an uncontrollable giggle.
"Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law' and "Order' are trademarked names for his left and right legs."
Stupid, but Jesus it's funny.
"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."
I laughed until I cried. A cliché, yes, but true.
I danced with the dude for the rest of the night.