Every day in the lands of La Jolla and Rancho Santa Fe, men call personal shopping services, go to brunch and come back to new suits and polished Italian shoes. They revel in their Armani and Dolce and colognes that smell like penthouses and polo. It's a matter of money and style. But for those nearer to Popeye's Chicken than polo, good grooming ain't so easy: Pubic hair going public above board shorts; spandex bicycle shorts at the beach; black socks with shorts. Haughty Hawaiian shirts, "retro" cowboy boots and acid-washed blue jeans.
So let's bow our heads and hope for a better San Diego fashion future.
Start with the basics: Board shorts should not be worn with pubic hair as an accessory. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if I wore my jeans so low that my vagina risked falling out. Spare me the view. Flip-flops are not acceptable in all situations and they're NEVER acceptable with socks-new definition of camel toe. Rings for the unmarried boys? Mmm. Rings with an opal center? Mmm, no.
You with the tan! Well done! You wearing the wife beater at dinner to show off the tan! Not so well done.
Your Birkenstocks from college are not for outside the abode. If your toes crash over the front every time you make a sudden stop, it's time to remit the Birks to Goodwill. The retro look is in, but it doesn't mean "old." And speaking of old: We all know it's hot here in the summer and damn if we're not sweating too, but those shirts with banana-tinged stains in the pits? Ew.
Capris on lads? BAD!
Really, we're not trying to get on your case. It's just that there's some boneheads who ruin it for the rest of you lugs who give a damn. We appreciate you. All that loofah scrubbing paid off. The intermittent Tommy Bahama silk button-down becomes you. Letting those well-tailored slacks sit a teensy bit below you waist (and no higher) is a welcome sight. And the bright colors instead of the drab winter blacks and grays up the sexiness ante.
Cary Grant, Brad Pitt, Clarke Gable and Jude Law provide ample fashion tutelage for yous. But for God's sake, don't let Kevin Smith, John Goodman and Eminem be your guides.