Every bouncy blonde booby from Suburbia U.S.A. likes to get her rocks off when mommy isn't looking. And since the boys in braces don't cut it when Beach Cities Barbie wants to go sexual slumming, a former-drug-dealer-slash-addict-slash-male-prostitute will always be in demand.
"I like a girl who eats and brings it up / A sassy little frassy with bulimia."
Pretty party girls love to flock to Mickey Avalon's sets, but the shirtless rapper singing about his dick also once converted to Orthodox Judaism, is the father of a fourth grader and thinks his career is pretty hilarious. It's not that he doesn't appreciate the money--his kid's college fund finally has a positive balance--but he always thought that everyone would be in on the joke.
"These girls are in the front singing the words and they're not listening to themselves," Avalon says over the phone from a music festival in France. "Don't get me wrong, I have a good time with them most nights, but I'm basically making fun of the people that pay the bills, and they are completely serious about what I'm saying."
"My dick cost a late night fee / Your dick got the HIV / My dick plays on the double feature screen / Your dick went straight to DVD."
Avalon's not short on authenticity: His mom taught him to deal drugs, his paternal grandparents survived Auschwitz, he was once addicted to heroin, he got married, he had a daughter, he watched his father die from too much heroin, and he found his sister dead from the same vice. But it's Avalon's tongue-in-cheek delivery that makes his music so bewildering and, even in light of his past, so much fun.
Former MTV nut Simon Rex and rapper Andre Legacy jumpstarted Avalon's career with the Dyslexic Speedreaders. The group recorded their own satirical jive on L.A.'s club culture, which evolved into Avalon's persona--a hyper-sexual glam kid who loves to tongue the girls, and maybe the boys, too. When Avalon's song "Jane Fonda" twisted through an episode of the HBO series Entourage , Avalon secured a solo deal with MySpace Records, which could be a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it.
There's a dark side to the networking site, too. Avalon says he's had kids send him suicide letters in MySpace messages. He hates those letters, he says, mostly because he knows how they feel.
"I would probably have to kill myself if I didn't have a sense of humor about this life," he says. "I rap about a lot of that stuff that made me feel like shit then, and it doesn't make me feel any better about it now."
"It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder / That God must be one sick motherfucker / I used to work nights at hotcock.com / But then I got fired when my mom logged on."
And while Avalon's rhymes can be vapid and forgettable ( "Jen was a hurty burty dirty little girlie / I heard it from a birdie she could cook a mean turkey / With gravy / Baby baby baby" ), the beats sneak up on you. Avalon, above all things, is a surprise. He's versed in Jonathan Swift, the Irish satirist who suggested in 1729 that poor people should sell their children as food.
Avalon knows satire. But he knows a great party, too.
"I can't really make fun of anyone else more than myself because I indulge in the scene, too," Avalon says. "But I can't tell you how many of these kids have come up to me and said, 'I'm the girl from that song.' It's like, 'Maybe you should listen to that song a little more closely next time.'"
Mickey Avalon plays with The Dyslexic Speedreaders at The Casbah on Thursday, Jan. 11. Doors open at 8:30 p.m. $16-$18. 619-232-HELL.