faith n. a belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence (American Heritage, 3rd Edition)
So the Roman Catholic Church has convened, yet again, at the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, to discuss, yet again, what to do about those dirty priests. Their newest decree: “A priest will be removed from the public ministry after just one act of sexual abuse of a child.”
Wow, that Roman Catholic Church sure is tough on crime.
Where's the part that says, “If you molest a child once... we turn you in and let the inmates have a go at your pasty papal ass?
Naturally, the Catholics are “outraged” (Union-Tribune, Nov. 13). They say the policy still allows the Church to “shelter guilty priests.”
Want to know what else is outrageous? It is outrageous how you—the zealous followers of the Catholic Church—haven't owned up to your culpability in the rape of your children.
It was bad enough that you devoured all that slop the Church has been shoveling into your troughs, but you had to go and brainwash your kids into believing it, too? Right out of the womb, you propagandized some theory about a cartoonish, all-good, all-knowing Creator named God who speaks to us through these nearly-divine humans called priests. And, when your naturally inquisitive children asked how or why that's even possible, you put a finger to their collective lips and said, “Hush child. Don't ask questions... just have faith.”
So, when Father Boner said to your boy, “Don't tell a soul,” he didn't tell a soul, and he didn't run away either, even though alarm bells were sounding in his head. Because you filled it with preposterous notions of incontestable faith and removed the only defense mechanism he has against a predator like that-instincts.
And-also blinded by faith-you missed all the warning signs. Can anyone doubt there was a mountain of warning signs?
It'd be child abuse if you weren't so utterly brainwashed yourselves.
For months, maybe years, Father Boner molested your children while Sister LookTheOtherWay graded seminary papers in the office next door-she, too, missing all the signs. He molested your children while the Bishops enabled him with one hand and fed you more slop about morality with the other. He molested them while you and your fellow parishioners stood in the pews, pie-eyed and Godstruck, holding hands and singing, “Hear Your Children Gentle Jesus.”
Faith? Look what faith got you. Faith is self-imposed ignorance. Fe-fi-fo-fum, 'twas Father Faith defrocked your son.
I'm confused about something. It says here in the paper that Catholics are demanding an apology from the Church. Is this a joke? What could the Church possibly say at this point to herd you back into their pen? Haven't they already proven themselves to be false idols who are grotesquely unfit to lead you in any spiritual sense?
Why do the Catholics care about anything the Church could say now?
Because you are a vast herd of idiot bovines, unable to think or act or speak for yourselves; because you need your leaders (however corrupt or inept) returned to their bejeweled pedestals-so they can tell you all the things you shouldn't do, all the folk you shouldn't screw, all the booze you shouldn't drink, all the thoughts you shouldn't think. Whatever things in life are wrong-Cardinal Enabler should make that call?
God, you zealots are so easy.
With the exception of a few newly jaded mavericks-who finally see Catholic dogma for the gruel it really is-you will all go back to the Church. Then your next batch of children will be screwed all over again.
They will grow up believing that some invisible, furry, hippy bodyguard named Jesus walks with them at all times.
They will grow up never learning how to think for themselves.
They will grow up believing that whenever there is a flaw in the holy logic, all they have to do is refer to “faith”-so as not to be plagued with troublesome notions like, “Question authority,” and spend their time doing more happy, positive, fulfilling, wholesome activities like hand-holding and hymn-singing.
They will grow up believing that Cristy Lane's Christmas album rocks harder than Master of Reality.
Can you live with that?
As for the jaded mavericks who have finally ditched those Vatican pricks-I've written a hymn just for you:
New Hymn for the Ex-Catholic
Holy God, Lord of All How could I have believed all your bullshit? Hark, the fallen Angels sing, Alleluia! Alleluia! Shove thy hymns up thine hallowed ass For Finally I am free To crank Sabbath Use condoms Ball soccer moms Watch porn And flog the Bishop Flog the Bishop Flog the Bishop Alleluia! Alleluia! Flog the enraged bald Bishop ‘Till thy pages of thy bible stick together.