Still from Jenner's Twitter message to Trump
So Caitlyn Jenner has found a reason to bag on President Donald Trump. It’s about time. For those who don’t know, Jenner—a lifelong Republican and devout Trump supporter—Tweeted a selfie-video in which she was actually critical of our Orangutan-in-Chief.
Jenner didn’t appreciate that Trump repealed President Obama’s federal mandate forcing public schools to allow transgender students to use the bathroom of their choice, thus kicking those decisions back down to the states and ruffling Caitlyn’s feathers in the process.
“This is a disaster,” said Jenner, speaking directly to the President. “You made a promise to protect the LGBTQ community. Call me,” then cutely scrunched her face and put her hand to her ear like she was holding a phone.
I can’t stand Caitlyn Jenner. The former Olympic hero is so delusional about this President that she actually thinks 45 is “very much for women,” which is like saying Milo Yiannopoulos is very much for self-restraint.
I can’t stand her because on the E! reality series, I Am Cait, she speculated that the reason people are homeless is because they make too much money leeching off social programs—then ridiculed their situation by assuming the persona of a bum on the dole.
“‘Why should I work? I got a few bucks! I got my room paid for!’” she mocked, clearly not understanding that being “homeless” means that they do not have a room paid for because, if their room was paid for, well—then they would be living in it ya black-hearted decatha-hag!
I can’t stand Caitlin Jenner because she’s a lousy role model for the trans community. In her Time “Person of the Year” interview, she insulted less passable transgender males by saying, “I try to take [my presentation] seriously… if you look like a man in a dress, it makes people uncomfortable.” Which is easy for Cait to say. She has the time and money to pay for top notch doctors, top notch procedures and top notch tatas.
She’s had her Adam’s apple shaved, jawbone sculpted, nose reconstructed, cheeks lasered, calves carved, Botox up the bazoomba and enough silicone and collagen to feminize the entire Green Bay Packers. Her face alone cost $70,000. Her tits were 25K. And it reportedly costs around $150,000 to procure her plump, reddish ass.
Kidding aside, it is safe to say— especially considering that transgender people are four times more likely to live beneath the poverty level according to a study conducted by the Movement Advancement Project and Center for American Progress—that most transitioning males can’t, or may not even want to, look as feminine as Caitlyn Jenner.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Hey Ed! A straight, white, cisgender male cannot have an opinion about who is or isn’t a transgender role model!
I may have no idea what it’s like to be born with—what I can only imagine must be—a spiritually desolate feeling of gender dysphoria. But I know a good role model when I see one. And Jenner ain’t that! A real transgender role model would say, “It doesn’t matter if you ‘look like a man in a dress!’ It doesn’t matter if you make people ‘uncomfortable.’ It doesn’t matter a good goddamn how you choose to present yourself, and anybody who can’t handle seeing a square chin and stubbly beard hovering over those ten-dollar tatas can go file a complaint with the Bureaucratic Institution of the Transgender Encroachment of Masculine Entitlement (BITEME).”
But for all the reasons to despise this wretched, mumbling ogress, it is the aforementioned video that shaves my Adam’s apple.
Really, Cait? It’s Donald Trump’s stance on bathroom permissions you consider a “disaster” and not, say, his position on climate change? Or freedom of the press? The repeal of The Affordable Care Act, corporate and crony favoritism, an utter disrespect for facts and truth, the facilitation of Islamophobia and the construction of an Orwellian border wall that will one day be used to keep us inside as much as others out?
Look, I don’t begrudge the right of any LGTBQ persons to support the Republican Party—even if it is a little like a lobster working in a rubber band factory. However, if you are someone who is constantly ranting against federal intrusion—but then suddenly is all for it when it empowers your pet issue, well then you’re a hypocrite.
You know, when Cait’s video came out, the press made it sound like she really took it to Trump. There were headlines like, Cait pulls no punches and Jenner destroys Trump and a Fox News headline that read, “Caitlyn Jenner Slams Trump over Transgender Bathroom Stance.”
Oh, puh-leeze. She complained for all of 10 seconds then scrunched her face and gave the universal hand sign for “Call me, ya big hunk.” That’s not a slam; that’s heavy petting with a firm nipple pinch. Here’s what a slam looks like:
Caitlyn Jenner is a phony, delusional, narcissistic hypocrite of a human being who couldn’t care less about the repression and/or marginalization of anyone beside her own group, shits on those who are less fortunate than her, has no clue what it means to be “for women” and so desperately craves attention she makes The Kardashian household look like Brian Wilson, Syd Barret and Bobby Fisher living off the grid in a Montana bomb shelter. Suh-LAM!