OK, so it's Easter Sunday morning, and I'm flipping through the dial desperately searching for something interesting to watch that doesn't involve creepy old papabiles gesticulating over golden artifacts while chanting something in mumbo-jumbonese. That's when I tune to the KUSI Morning Show just in time to see Doug Curlee reporting on Easter service at the Cabrillo Monument.
'The message was a simple one,'Curlee said about the Pastor's sermon. 'God's love is always there waiting for us. We don't even have to work that hard for it. Just think about that fact.”
Uh oh. Did he really just call God's love a fact? I had to rewind my DVR to double-check, and, sure as shit don't shop at Tiffany's, there was Doug Curlee, a 40-year news veteran confirming the actual, factual existence of Thy Lord, Thy God and also, as matter of actual fact, confirming that Thy Lord, Thy God loves everybody.
How anyone could ever presume to know what is inside God's mind is, to me, one of the higher mysteries of humanity. But to report this hocus pocus as fact, on a television news program, in the 21st freaking century, a good 30 years after Sidney Lumet gave us Network, and hundreds of years after, you know, reason was invented-well, holy crap, I never realized how pathetic the KUSI news division actually is.
Is it KUSI or CBN fer crissake? God is not a fact. God is the opposite of fact. God is faith. Faith and fact are about as compatible as shaved chocolate on ballpark hotdogs. I always thought the word 'fact'had to do with logic and evidence and proof and stuff. Doug Curlee thinks a fact is something he read in book that was written more than 3,500 years ago by people who believed an invisible man in the sky was talking to them.
Now, it's possible that saying 'fact'was just a figure of his speech. Well, if I had any doubt that Doug Curlee intended to identify the existence of God as fact, what he said next surely smothered it. He said verbatim, 'Easter is the day, of course, that Christ was resurrected.”
Here again, Curlee is stating Christian dogma as fact. He may not have used the word 'fact'this time, but he certainly affirmed the resurrection. A better reporter would've said, 'Easter is the day Christians believe Christ was resurrected.'Curlee even added the phrase 'of course'to the sentence. His exact quote was: 'This is the day, of course, that Christ was resurrected.'Well, of course 'of course.'How could anyone question that story? The Bible is a perfectly legitimate news source, and the witnesses to the resurrection were just sooo credible. It's not like rising from the dead isn't an easy parlor trick that any mediocre magician could pull off. It's not like people back then weren't stupider, desperater, easier-to-manipulate than now. It's not like the folks who witnessed Christ's resurrection didn't have a reason to stage it, or lie about it or want to believe it. Oh please! That's enough right there to question the veracity of the Bible's account of Jesus' resurrection. Then there's the problem of how ancient it is and how often it was rewritten and, Jesus Cronkite Curlee, even the Weekly World News is a more reliable source than the goddamn Bible.
By the way, this religious drivel didn't end with Doug Curlee. Others on the broadcast were behaving similarly: Dave Scott the weatherman gave his props to The Lord also. After Curlee, Scott gave a weather report from the site of another Easter service on Mount Helix. He reported about the crappy weather, then mentioned how the Helix Easter service was over and that he was alone on the mountain. 'Well, the Big Man is always with us,'he told anchor Dave Davis, to which Davis added a hearty, 'Well, yeah.'As if to say, 'Well, duh, of course the Big Man is with us-what do you think, I'm agnostic?”
Maybe I just never noticed, but I don't recall ever hearing a news team display such overt religious preference as this. Oh sure, the overall grotesque, super, extra-hyper media over-coverage of our Judeo-Christian holidays is a gnarly bias in itself. However, watching this Easter broadcast, it's as if KUSI identified itself as a Christian news station, something a real news organization would never allow. Revealing partiality toward any religion is a conflict of interest, especially when reporting on anything remotely faith-based. And, knowing what we know about the institution of religion in general, that bias would surely seep into everything else the news organization reports-like the war, or local politics, even the weather. I mean, Dave Scott might as well just have come out and said, 'Yup, it's very cloudy at Mt. Helix today-must be God's mad at us about something.”
It's the same as when Fox News displayed the American flag under its logo in the days following 9/11. Doing so pretty much identified the network as having a bias, in this case a geopolitical one. Of course, a real news division would never fly any flag, or covet any religion, because any news organization worth half a tick on its ticker-tape machine has a predisposition only to truth. Not the truth as Americans want it, or as Christians want it, but the real true truth, which is, of course, the greater cause of course, of course, of course.
Come on, KUSI, don't you see? Separation of church and media is as important as separation of church and state. Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting you don't have the right to embrace and present whatever hocus pocus you got duped into believing. And I am certainly not calling for the firing of Curlee or Scott or Davis, offensive though they be. No, what I'm going to do is either stop watching KUSI news altogether or, more likely, continue to watch it in the manner in which I watch O'Reilly, or Hannity or Reno 911-as a zany comedy show with kooky idiot-clown characters who say and do outrageous things, like broadcasting news reports on an invisible man who lives in the sky. I find it's much better when you view it that way.
Write to firstname.lastname@example.org., and visit the newly remodeled www.edwindecker.com.