One week after Steve McWilliams delivered free doses of medical marijuana to the sick and sickly outside San Diego City Hall-his home was raided by the DEA.
Just so we're clear, let's remember what the word “raid” means. It means having some sanctimonious prick in a black suit fanning through your Juggs collection, trying to find which pages stick together and whether or not you circled any penis enlargement adds. It means wondering if your life will ever be the same again.
All this because Attorney General John Ashcroft and the rest of his ilk, have concluded that cannabis does not have any medicinal benefits.
You know Mr. Attorney General, it doesn't matter if marijuana has any proven medicinal benefits. It only matters that patients believe it does. Because pain happens in the brain.
Ashcroft says legalizing medical marijuana sends a bad message to The Kids. I wonder what sort of message he thinks we should be sending. I don't know, hmm, here's an idea-how about telling the truth? How about saying, “You know what kiddo-the world will not implode if a sick person gets stoned.”
So keep reading kids. For the first time in your life, an adult is going to give it to you straight about drugs. How do you know I'm telling the truth? Because, unlike your parents-who lie to keep your innocence intact-I don't give a drippy, runny turkey turd about your innocence. So come children, follow the Pied Piper and the sweet, sweet sounds of his flute of truth...
Ed Decker's Real Messages for Real Kids in the Real World.
Hey, kids-smoke weed. You'll love it! It won't screw up your life. Only you can screw up your life. You may not realize it, but all around you are normal adults, who get high and live happy, productive lives. Most of them started smoking when they were your age.
Hey, kids-smoke pot. It sure is great! It was my best friend Tony who got me high for the first time. After we smoked the joint, I stared at the night sky and noticed-for the first time-that stars actually twinkled.
“Tony,” I said “this marijuana stuff sure is great!”
“Yes Ed,” Tony replied, “it most certainly is.”
Tony, incidentally, is now a father of two and a big-time university professor.
Hey, kids-smoke bud. Everybody does. Here is a list of 10 people who have partaken: 1) Your momma. 2) Your daddy. 3) Your older sister. 4) Your gramma. 5) Your president. 6) Your dog (Dad blew a smoke cloud in Rusty's face). 7) Your piano teacher. 8) Your god (surely God sampled, if only to check that he created it properly). 9) Your crossing guard. 10) And me. And look at me-I'm happy as a fungus in a fartbag.
Hey, kids-smoke pot, just don't smoke a lot. Moderation is a lifestyle. Be smart. Your parents are right about one thing-cannabis can lead to harder drugs. But here's a note from the flute of truth that will make your momma choke on her Vicodin: Hard drugs are not necessarily a bad thing.
Many normal, sane adults enjoy hard drugs. We just use in moderation. See, the reason the world has an addiction problem is because drugs are so fantastic, you always want more-which is why your parents would prefer that you didn't start at all. Unfortunately, those parents aren't living in a real world-where more than 60 percent of the high school population has tried marijuana by senior year. Historically, that number fluctuates slightly, but the data always, always, always reads the same: high school is the age of exploration. And, because their parents lied to them, so very few of those kids were in any way prepared for the seriousness of their upcoming druggy decisions. Consequently, we lost some along the way.
Follow the truth flute kids-The Pied Piper's got your back.
Hey, kids-It's OK to use, just don't abuse. Don't take drugs to avoid problems. Because you always come back down to face them again. Only now you're too hung over to deal. The best time to get high is after you fixed your problems and want to celebrate after a hard day's work of problem-fixing.
Be smart. Be careful. Balance your dark side with the light: Go to the gym, take your little brother to the park, eat a peach. Be conservative. Don't take eight hits of Ecstasy; take one and drink water. Never use every day. Some people are born addicts and you could be one. If you experience an addiction trend taking hold-stop immediately and figure out a way to get laid intead. Don't mix. And holy mother of Sweet Jesus Christ, stay the hell away from churches and priests. That's the shit that'll ruin ya.