Wednesday Night, "Fifth Quarter," Gaslamp:
As the slow motorcade of Raider Nation Suburbans paraded through the Gaslamp (team logo/gang emblem emblazoned upon their sides), a midget in a Nation jersey hassled a Fox camera crew on the corner of Seventh Avenue and G Street. Obviously, Small Raider Man was used to being in the spotlight. Several attempts to get the reporter's attention were unsuccessful; but persistence is a necessary Darwinian trait when you live your life at stool height, and it seemed Small Raider Man would've endlessly pestered the crew for face time, except...
... Small Raider Man spotted the Playboy triplets-Hugh Hefner's tall, slender, replicate specimens of DNA (and non-organic accoutrements)-crossing the street. With a playfully snide disposition, Small Raider Man turned to the reporter and the amused crowd that had gathered, and concluded: "You missed out, man-you know how many movies I've been in?!" And Small Raider Man quickly waddled across Fifth Avenue, sneaking beneath the radar of the large security guard, and tugged on a playmate's pant leg.
The other two triplets, however, were too fascinated by someone more fascinating than they. Tampa Bay receiver Keyshawn Johnson-never one to shy away from the brightness of his own star-was perched on the patio of the Greystone steak house for dinner. It was hard to tell if he was eating, per se, since Keyshawn spent most of his time feigning to be humble as a gaggle of 50-plus star-struck fans hung over the railing and clogged the sidewalk.
It was here that you saw the mixed reaction that stars inspire among common folk: some shamelessly gawk and giggle; some pause, point and move on; and then there is Loudly Cool Man, desperately wanting to prove his immunity to the tonic of celebrity, yelling: "Let the man eat! He's just a guy!"And as Loudly Cool Man yelled, Lawrence Taylor strolled by largely unnoticed, not pausing for Keyshawn or the melee. And a few old football fans acknowledged the retired legend with a head nod or a subtle point, as two females excitedly wondered aloud: "What kind of vegetables are those? Does Keyshawn use steak sauce?