If you know what we know-that scenesters are pretentious little indie cats annoying us with their anti-fashion statements and too-cool-for-school personas-then maybe you suspect you, or a friend, are one. Scenesterism can lead to an assortment of ailments, such as snobbery, anti-socialism, self-mockery and the bastardizing of the honorable tradition of irony. To know whether or not an intervention is necessary, read the statements below. Give yourself one point for every one that does or could apply to you. Add 'em up and find out how "scene" you are.
You might be a scenester if...
1. You talk about the bands you hate more than the bands you love. (Bonus point if done exclusively in public.)
2. Responding to your T-shirt, someone tells you that they "love Ratt." You reply, "Who's Ratt?"
3. You renounce a band that you once liked because they've become popular, but still secretly listen to them at home. (Bonus point if it's The Faint or The Killers. Two bonus points if you've sold their CDs back.)
4. You're attractive and you try to look ugly.
5. You're handsome and you try to look hot.
6. You're at the Casbah and you leave the smoking area only to get another drink or piss.
7. One word...mullet. (Still not cool, folks.)
8. You've given up Pabst for Stella Artois.
9. You're a man and you wear women's jeans because they "fit better." (The poor souls around you call that "the detesticled look.")
10. You were sooo bummed when Fahrenheit went under. (Bonus point if you wrote for them.)
11. You've got hair strategically placed on your head.
12. You wear a scarf in July.
13. You wear a scarf with a wife-beater.
14. You wear a scarf in January. (You live in San Diego, not Chicago, dick.)
15. You go out of your way to go to dive bars.
16. In said dive bars you've found yourself muttering something like, "I hate coming here now. It's so trendy...."
17. Your hair has four or more lengths. (Layers don't count.)
18. You wear a cowboy hat with a skinny white tie or something akin thereto.
19. You wear cowboy boots with the pant legs tucked into the boots.
20. You bought The Postal Service (or anything else released after 1994) on vinyl even though your needle's broken.
21. You've been called a scenester. (Bonus point if you were called a scenester by someone you consider a scenester.)
1-6 points: Not to worry, you're obviously way too happy-go-lucky for the scene.
7-15 points: You might want to seriously reconsider what you think "a statement" is. On the cusp, but we ain't mad atcha.
16+ points: People aren't staring because they like what they see. Do us all a favor and be ironic at home.