Photo by Alex Zaragoza
Mojoupgrade.com helps people explore and discuss sexual fantasies with their partners.
When it comes to sex, I was a bit of a late bloomer. When my sexual awakening finally came, it came hard. And unlike a drunk dude’s dick, it remains hard.
I’m single but should I find myself in a too-cozy relationship cocoon trying to light the spark in a dude’s Old Navy flannel pants again, there’s mojoupgrade.com.
On the website, straight or gay partners individually take a survey that gauges sexual interests and fantasies. Each is then emailed which sexual activities you have in common. So if you’re shy it can help make conversations revolving around your sex life less awkward.
Naturally, my sense of journalistic responsibility kicked in and I decided to personally research mojoupgrade.com with a willing sex partner.
The website itself looks like it was built on a Windows 98 platform, complete with a plain donut as the header image for the “anal play” section. My research partner (who asked to remain anonymous) and I chose to take the advanced version of the survey featuring “more racy items.”
To put it in Taco Bell hot sauce terms, the questionnaire ranges from mild to Diablo. You answer by clicking either no, we already do that, if my partner is interested or yes!!! to various sexual activities.
A mild question is I want to have X give me a sensual massage, while a Diablo question looks more like I want to be a Gorean slave to X. It even asks if I want to “act as furniture to be used by X.” Google tells me this involves acting as furniture while my partner ignores me as a method of domination. After joking that my partner is definitely a pull-out sofa, I decided I’d be okay with being a beanbag chair if the TV is on.
Once we each finished the survey, we went over our results. While we’re both very satisfied (high-five) with our sexual relationship, our dedication to journalism led us to put a few of our answers into action right away.
I pulled out some scarves for some mild bondage. It’s not totally new territory, but we got annoyed that I couldn’t use my hands, which are instruments of sensual witchcraft. Plus, all that leopard and floral print made me feel like Steven Tyler’s mic stand. Tying him up led to the same annoyance.
We then ventured into paddling. Having no paddle available, we used a notebook. My partner got on all fours and took a swift notebooking to the tush, and then returned the smacking. It was fun, but I prefer the act of spanking during sex.
We then pulled out some vibrators and to once again put it in Taco Bell hot sauce terms, it was diablo. I love vibrators. Truly. We explored all kinds of places with them and it led to fantastic sex.
While sex with this partner is usually [100 emoji], I found speaking openly about our sexual desires and knowing he’s down to experiment brought an extra bit of lust to the table. I’m comfortable with the sex I have and don’t really need to be a Gorean slave for it to feel exciting. Though we did try being sex furniture. For research! It made my thighs burn. Not into it.