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Christin Bailey

Aries (March 21 - April 19): Buddy, you have really done it this time! You ripped a hole in the fabric of space and time. You’d know what I was talking about if you hadn’t awakened in the body of a lizard. more

Astrologically Unsound

Aries (March 21 - April 19): There are many interesting things about being alive, none of which you will miss out on by taking the extra two seconds to choose a shampoo and conditioner instead of a 2-in-1. more

Astrologically Unsound

Aries (March 21 - April 19): All the time you spent clicking “remind me later” on the software upgrade popup box has finally bypassed how much time it would have taken to just update it. more

Astrologically Unsound

Virgo (August 23 - September 22): I know the saying, but if you were to literally jump out of the frying pan it’s likely you’d just land on the stove and from there it’s a clean getaway. more

Astrologically Unsound

Leo (July 23 - August 22):  Let me put it this way: It’s never too early to start learning about the laws of buoyancy. You never know when it’s going to come in handy. (Sunday). more

Astrologically Unsound

Aries (March 21 - April 19):  Here it is, the moment of truth. You have been preparing for this the whole time. The second you step off this moving walkway, you will keep your stride without stumbling. more

Astrologically Unsound

Aries (March 21 - April 19):  The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but what if there is a mountain in the middle. What then!? Do you have to tunnel through?? more

Astrologically Unsound

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): I hear you. You’ve got to spend money to make money—yeah, I’m familiar with the saying, but does it have to be my money? more

Astrologically Unsound

Aries (March 21 - April 19): Buddy, you have really done it this time! You ripped a hole in the fabric of space and time. You’d know what I was talking about if you hadn’t awakened in the body of a lizard. more

Astrologically Unsound

Aries (March 21 - April 19): When they say look both ways before crossing the street, please remember they don’t mean up from your phone and then immediately back down again. more

Astrologically Unsound

You will undergo a great transformation this week, and whether it will be good or bad will depend entirely on whether or not you think you look good with singed off eyebrows. more

Astrologically Unsound

It is written in the stars, a cosmic quandary from the celestial bodies. A message from the universe… it says… “Is your refrigerator running?” more

Aries (March 21 - April 19): No person is an island and baby you’re landlocked. There’s not even a moat. You’re a compact city in the dead center of Pangaea and you need all the help you can get. more

Astrologically Unsound

Gemini (May 21 - June 20): The process of learning is its own reward, but that won’t help you feel any less humiliated when you walk into the glass door you thought was automatic. more

Astrologically Unsound

It’s time to follow your dreams and construct a crazy straw that is so long and crazy that by the time you finally get a sip of your ice-cold beverage, it’s room temperature. more

Astrologically Unsound

Aries (March 21 - April 19): Starting off a crossword puzzle with the wrong answer will set you out on the wrong path, but at the end of a day, who cares? It’s a crossword puzzle. more

Astrologically Unsound

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): The world can be a terribly difficult place for dreamers… which means things are probably pretty easy for you, huh? more

Astrologically Unsound

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): You know how they say you catch more flies with honey? Boy, doesn’t that seem to be true. I mean just look around: flies as far as the eye can see! more

Astrologically Unsound

What goes around comes around and goes around and comes around and goes around and comes around and… would you look at that? Now you’re all wrapped up by the boa constrictor. more

Astrologically Unsound

Cancer (June 21 - July 22): Whether or not it benefits you, it is important to recognize and acknowledge the hard work of others. So lets go ahead and give a round of applause to the termites out there eating our homes. more

Astrologically Unsound

I don’t know what to say to you Tauri. I give you good advice from the stars every week and you refuse to listen. Fine! Suit yourselves. You’re on your own. more

Astrologically Unsound