Christin Bailey

You will undergo a great transformation this week, and whether it will be good or bad will depend entirely on whether or not you think you look good with singed off eyebrows. more

Mar 20, 2018 1:44 PM Astrologically Unsound

It is written in the stars, a cosmic quandary from the celestial bodies. A message from the universe… it says… “Is your refrigerator running?” more

Mar 14, 2018 3:30 PM

Aries (March 21 - April 19): No person is an island and baby you’re landlocked. There’s not even a moat. You’re a compact city in the dead center of Pangaea and you need all the help you can get. more

Mar 5, 2018 1:09 PM Astrologically Unsound

Gemini (May 21 - June 20): The process of learning is its own reward, but that won’t help you feel any less humiliated when you walk into the glass door you thought was automatic. more

Feb 19, 2018 4:21 PM Astrologically Unsound

It’s time to follow your dreams and construct a crazy straw that is so long and crazy that by the time you finally get a sip of your ice-cold beverage, it’s room temperature. more

Feb 13, 2018 5:22 PM Astrologically Unsound

Aries (March 21 - April 19): Starting off a crossword puzzle with the wrong answer will set you out on the wrong path, but at the end of a day, who cares? It’s a crossword puzzle. more

Feb 5, 2018 8:49 AM Astrologically Unsound

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): The world can be a terribly difficult place for dreamers… which means things are probably pretty easy for you, huh? more

Jan 22, 2018 4:49 PM Astrologically Unsound

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): You know how they say you catch more flies with honey? Boy, doesn’t that seem to be true. I mean just look around: flies as far as the eye can see! more

Jan 8, 2018 4:05 PM Astrologically Unsound

What goes around comes around and goes around and comes around and goes around and comes around and… would you look at that? Now you’re all wrapped up by the boa constrictor. more

Dec 26, 2017 11:21 AM Astrologically Unsound

Cancer (June 21 - July 22): Whether or not it benefits you, it is important to recognize and acknowledge the hard work of others. So lets go ahead and give a round of applause to the termites out there eating our homes. more

Dec 12, 2017 12:16 PM Astrologically Unsound

I don’t know what to say to you Tauri. I give you good advice from the stars every week and you refuse to listen. Fine! Suit yourselves. You’re on your own. more

Nov 27, 2017 3:18 PM Astrologically Unsound

You will receive some startling news regarding an inheritance. If you don’t, then it was probably sent to your spam folder. more

Nov 13, 2017 11:23 AM Astrologically Unsound

You are absolutely right that the mind is a muscle that has to be exercised. However, playing chess is probably a better idea than getting intentionally arrested just to see if you can plan an elaborate prison break. more

Oct 30, 2017 12:16 PM Astrologically Unsound

It can be so frustrating when you walk into a room and forget what you’re there for because you were distracted by a monstrous figure in the shadows heaving with labored breaths. more

Oct 16, 2017 11:04 AM Astrologically Unsound

Your lucky number this week is my ATM pin number, which, unfortunately, I cannot reveal to you for reasons of personal and financial security per the instructions of my financial advisor. more

Oct 2, 2017 1:03 PM Astrologically Unsound

Why do I even try with you people? I tell you to be careful, and you go right ahead and ignore me. more

Sep 19, 2017 12:40 PM Astrologically Unsound

In the absence of fear, there is a sense of security. In that security, you are sound asleep and a porcelain doll’s head is turning silently toward you in the night. more

Sep 5, 2017 1:30 PM Astrologically Unsound

The armadillo has an excellent defense against deadly predators, which is that it is too cute to harm. This week you should verify things you read with a second reliable source. more

Aug 23, 2017 11:12 AM Astrologically Unsound

Stressful week? Take your mind off things by picking up a good book, ideally a heavy volume like a desk dictionary, and knocking yourself unconscious with it. more

Aug 7, 2017 9:52 AM Astrologically Unsound

Be like the limestone and let pressure harden your millions of little skeletons into an unfeeling, sedimentary mass. Wait, don’t do that. more

Jul 25, 2017 6:10 PM Astrologically Unsound