RSS

Well, That Was Awkward

Now, I’ve written about guns before. Personally, I wish Obama had fulfilled the right-wing fear fantasy of literally walking into everyone’s homes and taking their guns away. I also know that we’re not going to get rid of guns. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward 3 Comments

“This is a question for all the gentlemen,” Danzig says. A roar of deep whoos fills the stadium. “Have you ever felt like killing your girlfriend?” Whoooa—uh, what? Read more

Well, That Was Awkward 11 Comments

pizzainage.jpg

Image by Ryan Bradford

But on a deeper level—we’re talking fundamental crust-level now—this pizza represents the compromises we’ve all endured over the past year. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

For a moment, I become lightheaded—a rush of endorphins that prime my body for the worst. “Hey buddy,” they say. “Remember us from that one time in fifth grade when you fell off the trampoline? We’re baaack.” Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

dexter.jpg

Photo by Chris Daly

“What’s your favorite flavor?” Dexter asks. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

awkward.jpg

Image by Ryan Bradford

Let me tell you: enjoying a drink called an “Irish Car Bomb” with people who live close to the reality of that violence is definitely a little awkward. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

Before Aug. 1, I had maybe suspected that National Clown Week was a thing. What I mean by that is the human mind is capable of imagining infinite atrocities. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

shutterstock_163851338.jpg

Image via Shutterstock

Wednesday, June 7, 2017: Wake up at 5:30 a.m. to drive my wife Jessica to the hospital to have a cyst removed from her wrist. Jesus, I didn’t know there even was a 5:30 a.m. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

cargoshorts.jpg

Photo illustration by Ryan Bradford

Now that summer’s here, we need to reassess men’s fashion. Women, you’re doing just great, but bros, c’mon. You look silly. You look like a bunch of grown-up toddlers. Have a little respect for yourself. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

IMG_5849.JPG

Photos by Matt Lewis

On the morning of StokerCon 2017, there’s a brief moment of panic when I realize that all of my black T-shirts are dirty. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward 1 Comments

IMG_5733.JPG

Creepshot by Ryan Bradford

As we leave the graveyard, my sister-in-law notices a white SUV trailing us. Where it came from, no one knows, but it almost certainly belongs to the private FLDS cops who are known to hassle outsiders. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

lahaye1.jpg

Photo by Drew Andrews, angel treatment by Ryan Bradford

The waiter puts a steaming plate of chicken-fried steak, eggs and potatoes in front of me. Jesus. It’s heaven. A heaven that—I’m fairly certain—is going to give me diarrhea. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

flippingoffwhitehouse.jpg

Photo by Julia Evans

Writers: we were mad before it was cool. And now that outrage is thrown around like currency, we're kings. If your writing isn't—in some small way—an act of revenge, then you're doing it wrong. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward 6 Comments

ryanalienculg.jpg

Image by Ryan Bradford

Since Unarius is not a religion (well, sort of), it’s not really accurate to call it a cult. As noted in this column before, I was raised in the Mormon Church, so I know about cults. Diet cult might be a better description for Unarius. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

trumpocean.jpg

Image by Ryan Bradford

26. Considering that maybe none of this matters. That the threats to women, minorities, progressive change, the environment and the American political system as we know it are just that—threats. 27. Considering we'll probably be dead in four years. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

15972493_10100675406472101_7045153312899240119_o.jpg

Photo by Sara Wacker

The dirt is interesting—a fundamental ingredient for all sorts of American entertainment: demolition derbies, rodeos, monster truck rallies and other super classy events. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward 1 Comments

awkward high.jpg

Image by Ryan Bradford

This getting high thing is new and different for me. But then again, everything feels different since election night. Everyday life feels different. When friends greet each other with "how's it going?", there's now a qualifier after every answer. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

Maybe the best, most therapeutic way to assess the past year is to step back from the big picture and focus on the smaller pictures—look at the trees instead of the forest, if you will. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

Mike Cernovich is a bro who really cares about masculinity, male dominance and old-school chivalry. Recently, he's has become a spokesperson for the alt-right movement Read more

Well, That Was Awkward

Sorry, Michelle. I can't do that. The rest of y'all can attempt to understand Trump voters and bridge the divide that has separated this great nation, but I have no interest. Read more

Well, That Was Awkward 1 Comments